J and K

Story of a drama

2010-01-09T08:00:00.000-08:00

A few years back a cousin of mine, a businessman by his karma, asked me ‘You know who invented the phone?’ Of course I did! As wannabe engineer who grew up on the British model of education it would be a cardinal sin not to. The following question was a more difficult one. ‘Why do you think he never came up with the cell phone?’ Besides the point that the sly remark made over ten years ago is now currently my mantra for life, its only recently that I have come to realize its significance. The Indian telecommunications was, at the end of 09, as the central government promised, the biggest success story of the decade. Actually it might not be an exaggeration to claim that the cell phone market has been to date the largest success story of Independent India. Not just economically, but socially and more important culturally. In 08-09 the rate of growth of cell phones in rural India exceeded its urban and ‘westernized’ counterparts. The country of 23 languages skipped the telephone revolution. We simply went cellular! As incredible as this might seem this is true and is one of many similar stories redefining India.

I do feel proud with such good tidings from back home. However, sadly as most know this is not the whole story. The slumdogs of India exist too. Though its difficult not to admire the Bandra-Worli sealink, it is not difficult to criticize the black and yellow 1970’s Fiat taxi trying to take a U-turn on it! On my most recent trip back home I had the privilege to land in both Bombay and Mumbai. The India that was, refuses to go away, and the India that is, desperately trying to barge in! The question in Mumbai is currently not whether we need the monorail or not. It is whether it is named Gauytonde Bhimsingh Shinde rail or simply Colaba-Bycullya transit. This might seem trivial, but it reflects the key change in attitude that is required from a billion people.

Recently I have begun to read up about Sashi Tharoor and the ideas that define arguably the most successful Indian diplomat to date. One has to hear him talk to believe that he probably is one of the most affable and charismatic politician of recent times.[1] Credit to him that I came up with my answer! Which India will exist? Do we stay a third world country determined to export the list of things that can go wrong or sell the story of a great drama. Tharoor, in his bid to explain India to others often refers to this drama. Yes, we are scripting a great drama. How else, would you explain us being the only team in over a hundered years to win after being forced to follow on. How can one fathom the economic liberalization that was forced upon us become a global economic phenomenon? We are not determined to succeed! But we do love drama. Be it the (I will shoot myself) saas-bahu’ sitcoms or internationally recognized Lagaan. Be it the Godhra riots Modi or the impartial development for all Modi. From India-Pakistan matches to bomb explosions in crowded trains, we do it all. The over reactions of Anandi on Balika Vadhu might seem useless but underlines our penchant for drama. In country which has over six major religions, twenty three different recognized languages a sizeable population of the capitalist, communist, socialist, fundamentalist, liberal and the plain old sycophant type we need drama. Let's take pride in not just destroying the Masjid but also in a vision to build a finer one. Let's tell the story of our grossly mismanaged infrastructure projects as well the Sigma 6 rated service of the Mumbai dabbawallahs. Let's allow Sehwag to bat knowing that Dravid is at the other end!

My mind comes to ease when I see the Raj Thackeray’s of the world. We are ensuring that the drama stays with us. Bombay will not have to struggle to find a playing XI against Mumbai. A good drama might not have a happy ending but the ride sure as hell will be interesting. The Mahabharata talks about the karma and the phal. We could do a little better and say ‘Aal izz well!’

[1] I strongly recommend everyone to check out Sashi Tharoor’s TED speech.

10 Things Raj Thackeray will do once he becomes the Maharashtra CM

2009-10-22T15:42:00.000-07:00

10. Rename Bandra to ‘Vandre’. Karan Johar might just stop visiting Shahrukh Khan. Thank Raj, no more Gay jokes in their films!

9. Will start a 10:10 ‘Maratha special’ local from Virar to Vandre. Say no to Churchgate! No Maratha shall work there. Including, the guys at the Mantralaya.

8. Will get a chair with a lion skin on it, and a French beard too. Tame that lion!

7. State that the Ambani fight is hurting the economy and Mumbai’s culture. Impose penalties for fighting in Gujrati on National TV. Taari maa ne C***

6. Will ban Uddhav Thackeray’s books in the name of being secular. Will also applaud RK Laxman’s cartoons, call it ‘Sadharan Manoos’ and make it a must read for all those who still work at Churchgate’s Mantralaya

5. Will impose Maratha education for all: All manoos were born equal. The sarkar does not discriminate between out of State people.

4. Will advise the Indian Army to use Guerrilla warfare against its war with Pakistan. Singhgad and Pratapgad will be the new Army HQ.

3. Impose State Emergency on 14th February.

2. Will openly call Laloo Prasad a Bihari. Yes, it is true! All Bihari’s will require a visa to cross State lines. Non immigrant alien B1 status

And the last thing RT does before fighting the next election:
Call up Rahul Gandhi and support him for PM.

P.S: These comments are not intended to offend. These are are my attempts to humor the current political situation in Maharashtra

India Tomorrow

2009-05-19T22:07:00.000-07:00

This is not a part of J&K

When there’s an elephant in the room you have to introduce it. Let me Sir, introduce you to BSP. The new UPA ally! Now, let me introduce the baby elephant, my opinion of the bigger elephant. IT’s NOT A MANDATE!!!

This piece comes long overdue and therefore has been significantly modified. Instead of penning down my opinion on the ‘dance of democracy’ in India and my views on why you should vote for the BJP here I am on the misnomer that we have a mandate. Now, that I have convinced you of my biased opinion no reason not to debate my sound reasoning.

The BJP point of view on the election should not take up much space and time. It did not do anything of significance in this election and yet it was the only party that did raise some valid national issues. Note I say national because there are/were a stream of regional issues brought up most of which I might not be intimately familiar with. The BJP was expected to win in the region of 130/140 seats and it ended up with about 20 below expectations. The BJP post mortem is largely uninteresting. It did not perform on expected lines in Gujrat, MP and Rajasthan. Reasons: Limit of Modi’s appeal, anti-incumbency/ wrong candidates and relative lack luster performance respectively. A +/- 20 is not a big setback for the saffron party. Yes, Advani failed to deliver Delhi and any further analysis on the topic will be further done in the blog titled ‘BJP tomorrow’.

The 200+ performance of the Congress is clearly the story of the show according to everyone on Dallal Street. Three states namely Tamil Nadu, Andhra and UP being the stories in ascending order. Now let me remind you of my opinion once again. It’s not a mandate. Here is why:

Tamil Nadu: Even the Congress did not expect this one. It was largely, I think a master stroke which was unintended. For those critics out there who would say that Congress persisted with DMK should, I think, rephrase. The Congress persisted with its only option in the state. Quoting a Congress spokesperson which I fail to remember at this point ‘We will not ally with zero’. Such was the Congress reading of the state. Amma had virtually captured the imagination of one and all and I think the only reason why DMK won was its approach to the current issue in Sri Lanka. Of those who failed to catch the fine print, Karunanidhi’s ‘Prabhakaran is a friend’ speech with Sonia Gandhi besides him might have found favor in Tamil politics. Now, I am not well read on the topic but it seems that the Congress let this issue pass looking at it as a largely useless demand from its ally. Now, let me rephrase that. Sonia Gandhi let the Congress ally openly support LTTE, the same organization responsible for the assassination of our 7^th Prime Minister and her late husband Rajiv Gandhi. This is the party we have at the Centre! The repercussions of this in the long run I think are largely none considering the big issue of Pakistan facing us right now and India’s famous non existent diplomatic policy.

Advani coined the term pseudo-secularism. He also pointed out the hidden synonym, vote bank politics. Advani’s Rath Yatra was a reason not to vote for him. His understanding of the Congress party was one to do so. AP was yet another example of the glorious vote bank politics that the Congress used on its way to the Centre, yet again. One can let the LTTE issue slide. It is not going to affect anyone. What about the Telangana issue? Now, I really have no opinion one way or the other on this issue but I think political parties should. The Congress did. It was for it. It was fine. Then after the round of elections in the Telangana region ended, Congress had another opinion. Can you guess? You might not agree with BJP on the Ram janmbhoomi. But you have to give it to them. They have an opinion to which they stick. A piece of trivia while we are on the topic. The Ayodhya issue had been lobbied intensely in courts for about 20 years before 1992. It was these frustrations that lead to the rise of BJP. The BJP is not a party that wants the temple. It represents the VHP and the RSS which do. Coming back to AP, and the reasons why Congress won. Pro-Congress people, which by the way are not the same as pro-secularism, would point out to some 5 lettered schemes which worked in AP. They might have. I am all for them. But then this reason is no different than JD(U) doing well in Bihar or BJP doing well in Gujrat. The Congress did not have a ‘mandate’ on its development schemes. It secured a mandate on its twisted schemes.

The most fun part of the election has been the biggest irony of them all. This one is almost like a movie script. Once upon a time there was a very important state in India. Congress made a bold move of going alone. They made it on the backs the confident Rahul. Rahul ran a SRK style campaign in the state. Rahul’s mother supported him. It was a no loss game. No one expected Rahul to win. If he did he would be hailed as a Hero. If he did not his mommy would have shrugged it off. Now, I do not want to belittle the Congress performance in UP. 21 seats is a catch. But how one should ask! Why did people of UP vote for Congress and Rahul Gandhi. Development, promise of development? Issues, which? What, why? These 20 seats is the reason they say the Congress has a mandate. These 20 seats! Where did they come from? Well, that is an easy answer. They came from BSP and SP. The Congress obviously provided people with an alternative and somehow convinced them that they were better. The people listened to them. They were frustrated with the politics of the SP and BSP which interestingly are parties that rose to significance because of a lack of Congress performance. Now, the Congress claimed to be their savior and then F***** them in the ass. I would be a pretty frustrated UP voter if I saw the SP and BSP join the government. Didn’t UP just vote against them? Now the irony! The UPA did not even need them in the first place. It has enough numbers to scramble through with a few inconsequential smaller parties and independents. If it needs a more stable alliance and numbers in the Rajya Sabha , as some might argue, to pass reforms it could still do with just one of them. I fail to see an issue, a policy, any logic and any reasoning behind the alliance that is all set to form the government in the 15^th Lok Sabha. I see the ironies. I see that the government, on the backs of which the BSE rallied a record 2100 points in two minutes, includes a party which wanted to ban computers in its manifesto. Sadly it’s a pathetic joke.

This is not a mandate. This is vote bank politics. The Congress placed itself at the right places either by chance or by good organization. A mandate is on issues. What is the Congress’s solution to the Swiss bank accounts issues raised by Advani? What is the Congress’s solution to Telangana? What is the Congress’s solution to the fundamentalist Hindutva preached by the VHP? There is none.

More importantly, where does our foreign policy relations with the US stand? Are we going to sign the NPT? Are we going to support in a military offensive in Pakistan? Are we lobbying to stop the money inflow from the US to Pakistan? These are the questions that should have been asked by a few if not all.

The only good news is that we have a stable government with a good PM. Yes, I do think that Manmohan Singh is good in the current economic scenario in India. The bulls on Dallal St. might be irrationally exuberant. But their optimism is not misplaced. The downside is we need to realize that this is not a mandate. India has not spoken. Far from it! Varun Gandhi won by one of the biggest margins in this Lok Sabha. That part of India is angry. The Congress does not represent any one face of India. Almost all other parties have a base votership which they represent in the parliament. BJP and Congress are the only two national parties we have. The BJP has spoken. It has lost. I would like to hear Congress’s opinion. And I think India has to make sure it’s not vote bank politics.

Conversations over Lunch

2009-04-06T17:48:00.001-07:00

“Hey, Hoooows you man?”

K looked back. He yelped in delight “Whats up! homie?

“Hooows it hanging?” said the stranger

“Down and to the left” They both guffawed at the pathetic joke.

I never understood meeting rituals. People say the funniest things. Weird greetings, weirder handshakes, punching the stomach, punching each others knuckles, small talk, and worthless mention of being well. Almost always nothing is up. The going is rarely bad. Everyone’s life is busy! I always wondered. Where did the lazy, good for nothing loafers go? Everyone in this world can’t be busy. Or is it that I am mingling with the wrong type? The busy people! Surely I am not that good. If you are busy people, who you meet should be worth your time. So it’s either that busy people think that I am worth their valuable time or they are lying about being busy in the first place. I have never had high self esteem and with age I am becoming increasingly skeptical and cynical. Surely not everyone is busy!

I do have to say I was mildly surprised. K was irritatingly happy to see this fellow. They were raucously laughing at silly jokes using straight out ‘ganstaa’ rap language. I learned this term after the delightful conversation between K and his ‘homie’.

It turned out that Sugu (or atleast that was his name in the 15 minutes I happened to know him) was lying low for a while after his stint in college. He was chill about the job scene. Was he still in touch with the gang? Sure, he hung out with those geezers’s all the time. Would he like to grab a bite with us? Nah, he was having gandhi’s revenge! After a few more racist, sexist and insulting terms K bid him ‘peace’ and we proceed on to lunch.

“So, what the Hell was he?” I asked K as we were walking to the canteen.

“What?”

“Oh, I am sorry is there something wrong with my vocabulary?”

“Oh come on. You just jealous that you not up with the slang” K laughed.

“Ya, sure. Who was he anyways? I never seen him in college before”

“Name is Sagar. Just a once a year friend”

“Uhh...what?” I was lost.

“Oh you know.....the type you bump into once a year and catch up within 10 mins. Interesting, isn’t it? How would you summarize your life in the past year in 10 mins. You have to be concise and yet make sure the other person knows every important thing that you’ve done. These are the type of people from whom you will hear about job openings, pay hikes and most importantly how many of your other once in a year friends are applying for it”

“You are not even looking for job!”

“But helps to know that I could”

“Wow! What a gigantic waste of time.” I said in exasperation

“Not really. If you into it, you could actually learn names of good dates, good restaurants and good drinks you can order in a bar through such conversations”

I refused to comment. But I was intrigued. “So are there any other types?”

“Types of what?” K asked

“Of friends.”

“Sure” he replied “There’s once a year, once a semester, once a month, once a week and once a day”

I was a little disturbed by the quickness of his reply. I thought that he had coined the term off the top of his head. It was not surprising, however, that he had thought this through.

He put on a ‘I know that look face’ of his. “You are morally repulsed by this concept, aren’t you?” he asked

“It’s amazing how much thought you put into these things” I said

The canteen was full as usual. We got into the queue for ordering. “I feel like a dosa today” He said browsing through the menu.

“So you have a criteria or something for this?”

“It’s more of an empirical observation than anything else.”

“Empirical? How many people do you know?”

“A more interesting question would be how efficient is my system?”

He always did this, answered questions that were not asked of him.

K continued “The answer would be very. Even more interesting is the reason it works and the underlying tendency of people to avoid each other”

“Oh ya sure, I forgot. Your intricately twisted view of the world” I retorted.

“Am not kidding! There is huge jump between the numbers of once a month and once a day. Almost always”

“You also should have category of ‘never’. Just so you can have a sample population of 17 billion to fit your experiment” My attempts at being sarcastic are almost always dim.

The queue refused to move ahead. Change for money was a perennial problem. In today’s world it is not enough to have money. You need to have money in the correct denominations. I counted my change. I had enough for a missal.

“So, what is your empirical observation on people?” Somehow I refused to be drawn away from the topic.

“People exhibit the most abnormal behavior when confronted once a year or even once a semester. They are extremely friendly. They almost always wonder why they don’t see you often and inevitably come to the conclusion of you being too busy. Conversation always ends in niceties being exchanged and promises to meet more often.”

“Well, it’s a social protocol” I said.

He smirked. He had nothing but contempt for that concept.

“You practice it. So that would make you a......”

“The entire social structure is based on hypocrisy. Practicing or not does not make a particular difference. I can’t change it. Might as well employ it to do some good.” He very conveniently absolved himself.

“Ok! So what about the others?” I asked

“The once a month category meetings evoke a variety of responses. There are only two reasons you meet a person once a month. A, you might like to see more of him or her but geographical, social and professional limitations do not allow you to do so. In this case conversations proceed as they do with the once a semester types, except it is less fake. B, you definitely, almost certainly cannot stand the guy. But geographical, social and professional limitations mean that you have to. These situations are fun. If you want to evaluate one’s leadership qualities, this is the test. One’s ability to lie and smile while doing it really counts. You could not be more disinterested in the talk, you have no respect for the other person’s opinion, in fact you even might well be counting sheep while talking to him but yet, you need to smile, nod and manage to show hints of interest, sometimes even fascination! You have to watch what you say. You cannot be very rude and not ask of the other person’s well being, but at the same time you cannot really emphasize of how you don’t really care. You can’t really delve into a story of how interesting your weekend was because that would lead to a longer conversation which you began with you not wanting to talk at all, at the same time you cannot say you have not been doing much because that could lead to a potential invitation of doing something, which you might have to uncomfortably turn down. You could talk about movies, common social events etc. but then again considering you don’t like the guy much there isn’t going to be much cultural or social common ground. The trick is to find enough to fill the ‘once a month 10 minute time’ hole that you so inevitably have.”

I was not disappointed. K had indeed rended the fabric of social life and fit it to explain his view of the world. I would have argued. I knew better!

“Well then, the people in the once a week or once a day must really be special”

“Yes and no.” He replied “Once a week people are almost always in a transition stage. Either they graduate to once a day or fall back to once a month. Once a day people, on the other hand, are almost always, as I said a very small group of people. And it would be a key mistake to generalize.”

“Meraaa ek dosa, Masala. “ He ordered. I only had enough change for a missal. We tried to find a place to sit. Lunches were always a chaos. It would be easier if people decided to be hungry at different times. Half of the world’s social issues were discussed over lunches. Imagine how life would be if people segregated their lunches and social issues to meet their respective carnal needs.

I had to ask. This was what bothered me. I had to bring it up.

“So K, where am I in this list?”

He laughed. He laughed and continued laughing. He almost had sambhar come out his nose, I think.

“I was wondering, how much you are going to beat around before asking.”

“Well, then?”

I will not repeat what he said. I cannot. It is not pathetic, complicated, or even personal. In fact it is very simple. Which is why, I will not say it. As it was with K, his view about things in life were glaringly obvious. You only needed to realize it.

I dont know Scully..........

2008-12-02T21:10:00.001-08:00

“I don’t know Scully.....i don’t know” How many times had Mulder repeated those words thought an exasperated Scully.

“You really think Mulder u should do this?” Scully would retort.

“I don’t know Scully.......what else can I do? I believe.” Mulder confesses.

“Do you Believe?” Mulder in his quest of solving the X files in his basement office of the FBI always asked this.

Well, it was not that difficult for Mulder to believe being a fictional character and all. But what would a real life Mulder dealing with intelligence reports do? Courtesy warning: we think that we are open at the west and our respected neighbors are familiar with the concept of ships. Do you believe that we should do something about it?

This real life Mulder places a X on his window and lets the real life Deep Throat know. Deep Throat well aware that ships filled with RDX can spell doom for him and for the people he works for in the government decides not to act on Mulder’s beliefs. He has his own personal reasons which Mulder cannot comprehend. The bureaucracy is too much for Mulder to handle.

“Why fix something that has not broken?” Deep Throat had argued.
“It is broken” Mulder said angrily. “Are you blind? Don’t you see the evidence? Delhi 01’, Bombay 06’, Bangalore 08’, U want it to be Mumbai 09 now?”
“The government does not have unlimited resources Mr Mulder. Yes, they care. But they care about other things as well.”
“More than the aliens?”
“Yes, more than the aliens. Stopping the aliens is expensive. Like it or not u live in a world in which people do not necessarily that coming across an alien on the CST railway station is their top concern.” Deep Throat continues.
“Did my boy do well on his test today? I hope we pay off the loan by mid july…this is what they are thinking. And this is what the government is trying to cater to. Yes, we might not be that efficient. But this is what we have signed up for. A husband-wife cannot agree wether or not to have another kid after 10 years of marriage. Do u expect a room of 550 people will do everything u want them to do?”

Scully thinks Mulder’s obsessing over the the X file. It could be true, it could be false. She does not agree with Deep Throat but can comprehend.

Mulder makes noise. Nothing happens. One night ten aliens come and abduct. Well,euphemism!

What does Mulder now believe in? This is where the X files stops answering us. Unfortunately, no more analogies. What happens if Mulder fails to protect? Does Mulder feign revenge? Yes, Feign! Mulder believed that whatever necessary shoud be done to protect. He believed that something existed out there which needs defending. He never thought about eliminating it. Put yourself in Mulder’s shoes. Oh well, put yourself in your shoes. Do you believe that the answer to such terrorist attacks, state sponsored or not, any state it might be, is to kill? No euphemism’s anymore. None would work! We believe that we need to do something. Do what, kill? Do you believe you can kill? If you do, please be sure that you do.

“So what Mulder? What will you do now?” Scully asks again.

“I don’t know Scully. But I believe that we need to be protected. This is not free India. We need freedom. We need security.”

“I hate to say but you were right Mulder” Scully says. “We should have made much more noise before the aliens came. That would have saved lots of people lots of grief. Deep throat was wrong. You were right. You should make more noise. You should make sure that we eliminate the aliens.”

Mulder thinks. I am now thinking as Mulder would have thought.

“No Scully, no. Deep throat was not completely wrong. The aliens did the worst they can do…….” Scully interrupts.

“You think so Mulder? The X file says it could be worse.”

“I belive so Scully. I don’t know what else to believe. We could put our resources trying to find and eliminate the aliens. Then what Scully? Is it over? Will that be freedom. Will that be security? The aliens came because they thought we are a different species. They think we will harm them. This is just a pre emptive strike. If we do harm them they are correct. Do you believe they are correct?”

Scully did not think that they were correct. Humans seek aliens to understand them. Not harm.

Mulder continues. “We need to let them know that we are not that different.”

“But we are different. We would not do what they have done just because we are afraid.”

“Are we Scully. You are afraid now. You just told me that we should eliminate them. They were just afraid earlier than us.”

“But what are they afraid of. What have we ever done to make them think that we will harm them.”

“We are free. Well, atleast we have the illusion of freedom." He smirks
"They are afraid. They may be envious.”

“So what do we do Mulder. What you big plan? Make them free?” Scully asks

“We could. But then we take upon ourselves huge responsibility just like the Americans have. I don’t believe we are ready for that.”

“So?”

“We should make ourselves ready for that. We need to be a nation of people which we started out to be. Soverign, Secular and a Democratic Republic. We need to be free. Socially, financially and mentally. We should let the aliens see what this freedom can do. And allow them to share what we have.”

“This is not practical Mulder.” Scully interjected. “What you are saying could take years. And in the meanwhile more aliens will harm us. What will you do then?”

“I don’t know Scully…but I believe that two wrongs will not make a right.”

yikes!!

2008-09-13T17:50:00.000-07:00

New paces always tend to new experiences. The past few days, people around me spent time under the 'ike' of the storm.I spent them snoring my way to glory.
Funny the way people react to disaster situations. Self survival is a basic instict god taught us.Beyond that we taught ourselves. Ever wondered why god stopped at self survival?

i quote " The number of evacuees was about 500 during the afternoon, but just a short while ago, we got the news that the number rose to a staggering 3000. All the evacuees are being dealt with the Community Emergency Operations Center and we are trying to get the Indian families filtered out. Unfortunately there is no other way than directly talking to the authorities, since every evacuee is entered in a database"

This was the email 'The Indian association' at Texas A&M sent me just before Texas was Ike'ed. of course it went further on calling for volunteers to shelter the Indians evacuating from Houston.

So why did god stop at a basic self survival?

As the philosopher Russel Peters once said, " Man, if we survive another 300 years, All ppl on this planet are going to be brown"
"Dosen't affect me, i am already there."

The concept of 'filtering' out people, for some reason, is a concept that we taught ourselves.
Fortunately i was snoring away (as usual) when that chapter was taught.

Unfinished Thoughts.

2008-08-06T14:14:00.000-07:00

A trip back home after a year and a half of Rural USA is quite unique. Life was we know is turned upside down in the US of A. Turning it upside down again, coming home, feels like some sort of a cruel topsy-turvy game. I do not know why India is called a third world country. I sure have a more cushy life here. There are people who cook, people who clean, people who do the laundry and these people do not even include my biological forefathers. They go a step ahead in providing me with 4 wheels an ATM and a new wallet.

Well, basic luxuries of life are expected when u are ‘studying hard’ in Amreeka. But all these things come with a catch. Actually they come with questions but I think we all get the point. A typical Aunty on a typical chai table will ask “So Beta, do u like India now?” ………..Freeze……………

Be careful on what you answer to this. As I look at it there are two options. One, ya aunty…Amreeka toh thik hain, but India is India. This answer has many benefits. It satisfies the Aunty’s of the world. They offer another samosa with the chai and let the matter rest.

Unless, the Aunty is someone in a close relation who happens to run a marriage bureau. Then this move is a checkmate situation to embarrassment. Careful chewing on the present samosa will lead to option no 2.

Oh no aunty, yaha kitna pollution…...blah blah. Amreeka main to life is easy. Sure you have to work hard but then one has to make a living. This will lead to a barrage of questions each more judgemental than the other. The Aunty will make sure that the quality of life is as good as you say it is. He is a typical set of questions….

“So what do you eat?”

“What do you cook?” They do not mind if the answers coincide…..in fact one Aunty confided me that this was their secret way of judging whether you telling the truth or not.

“So what s the rent there like?”

“Who your roommate, any American?”

“Where do you shop for groceries?”

“When are your classes?”

“Are there tution classes there?”

One inevitably manages to lose the aunty on the last couple of questions. The concept of 9 hours a week is too less for any child bearing parent. To add to the woes the lack of coaching classes kills the mood. This leads indirectly to situation number 1 with the small difference of the aunty saying that “ Amreeka toh theek hain, but India is India. This time the aunty better not be one running a marriage bureau. You might not land up marrying anyone in your life. Hmm….woh ladka toh Amreeka jaa ke sirf paisa waste kar raha hain…..aise ghar mein beti nahi dete.

Smiling and grinning in the above series of questions with some casual interruptions here and there might help the aunty being satisfied but not content. You have to promise that you will come back again for more samosa’s and bid adieu.

A trip to India should not exceed a month…..the reason after a month you run of of aunty’s. This is bad because now the uncle’s start noticing you and they don’t need a marriage bureau. The casual conversation starts in the same causal way. “ So Beta do u like India anymore?”

Hearing this question one might grin. After about two weeks you know the in’s and out’s of this. You probably have mastered the diplomatic approach between option 1 and option 2 . But then the uncle’s throw a googly.

“So who do you think is gonna win this time? I think Obama will be good for India” Political questions are not expected. This is when you let off your guard and start answering about Amreeka the way you really think it is. Politics leads to education which leads to your university which leads to the biggest googly of all. This is the one which no aunty will dare to ask. “So you planning to settle down there?”

On a hindsight it is particularly amazing that why a relatively lesser amounts of aunty’s ask this one. Sure some do venture…but the ratio is relatively less. You stare at the uncle with awe and amazement on how could he start at Obama and land up with this. Then careful thinking will lead one to the conclusion that this is the same aunty’s uncle who was satisfied with your answers a week back. The aunty – uncle combination might be proprietors of the marriage bureau. But the time constraint does not allow you to dwell on their diabolical plan. You think of a diplomatic answer. Eventually, option 1 seems to be the safer choice.

“No uncle, Amreeka toh theek hain, but India is India.”

The trip back home sure does throw a lot of questions at you. Unfinished thoughts and unfinished blogs are all that one can take back.

10 Reasons not to choose a Chinese prof as your advisor

2008-06-26T16:56:00.000-07:00

10. He says ‘nigga’ in a language you do not understand. Now, that’s racist on two different levels.

9. The small eyes make you feel that he is pissed off all the time.

8. You keep on googling for binding moment for an entire day only to realize that it was bending moment you were supposed to check.

7. He finishes his lunch in 15 minutes. Of course, boiled veggies!

6. He thinks going to China is more important than going to India. He also thinks that China is more crowded than India

5. He lives an American life style, laughs on the president jokes, talks about elections and how it will affect his funding. The he tells you are underpaid and laughs at communist jokes

4. He thinks you are on a vacation if you do not show up for one day.

3. He saves 30$ a month on gloves, 60 $ a month on access cards and cuts your salary by half. He claims he does not have enough funding. He then hires another student with the money saved.

2. He will take you to a conference for 4 days and pay bills for only 3. The NSF does not cover for meals during travel.

1. He harasses you as much as he can before and after your defense. He makes it a point that you cannot leave until the last day before your flight. He then forgets that you had booked tickets for 19^th July not 19^th June.

Karate Kid!

2007-11-27T14:28:00.000-08:00

Hey guyz! I normally dont write personal stuff on these blogs. But something i felt i had to write about and post. I guess i should create a new blog for such personal fiasco's that i am about to describe. But then i am too lazy. I dont think many people read my blog anyways.

Enter 25 th of November, Sunday. The day was pretty gloomy all around. Rains for the past 48 hours had made life cold and damp. Enter invitation for a party followed by washing my private parts followed by covering them up and leaving. Even the party kinda had a gloomy start. Random chit chat! More people. More chit chat! Inspired by some movies and boredom I suggest tobacco and a pipe to smoke. People agree. Enter the pipe and the strong smoke. It was the center of attention for some until some one lost the tobacco packet. More people, louder ambience, more booze, more smoke. It was a normal party. People dancing, smoking, dancing, some more shouting, drinking and dancing even more. It’s the ritual that most parties follow. This was no different. Then something different happened! Some thing that makes me laugh even today as I write this. Some thing that makes it the best party I have been to in some time.

There it was! The chair I was sitting on for some time. Talking to people who decide to leave the dance floor for a while. For some reason I decide to shake my leg a bit. It is unnecessary to say that I was high. I shake my ass a bit. I decide to go back to the vodka. The booze was geographically the furthest away from my chair. I doubt if it was intentional. I fill up my glass. I take a sip. I put down my glass. There stood the chair. Silently, waiting for its end. I decide to charge like a bull charges on seeing the red cloth. The idea was to show off a stunt. The one wherein I balance the chair on its two legs. I charge gaining full speed. The chair awaits with bated breath. And then the leap! The balance! I did it. Proof that I could drink more. Then Mr. Newton decides to show up and spoil my party. The chair rocks back for some reason. KPLOW!!!! Front leg in two pieces. It throws me off its cushy cushion the way the bull throws off the cowboy in the rodeo. Back somersault. I was on the floor with people laughing their ass off. Someone was concerned whether I was hurt. Some one told me that it was a stupid thing to do. Some one was complaining about something. I heard the word ‘Jack ass’. 24 hours later I am nurturing a small bruise. But then I have the certificate of being the Karate kid. The guy who broke the chair with his bare legs. I should be embarrassed. I broke a piece of furniture belonging to some one else. I am not. It was the most fun thing I have done in some time. It probably should be a thing that can’t be bragged about but I will try. I am the Karate Kid!

The Woman

2007-11-18T00:46:00.000-08:00

The woman

“Hey” I said…Jenny just waked by.

“Hi!” “So how u doing?” Jenny inquired

“am ok…wats up with u?”

“Uhh, same old…..saala, MTO sucks….i haven’t prepared for the mid terms.

“ohhh ok” I said “ well, the topics this time are kind of easy”

“arre u are a schol J”

“hahahaha…” I was flattered.

“hey do u mind teaching me some stuff ?” she asked

“well, ok…kab ?”

“meebe today after the lab….”

Hmmm…I had to go with K for the…..” ya sure after the lab today.”

“ok then, I’ll buzz u !!” “Bye”

I watched her go. I picked up my cell….”Hey K…I was just abt to call u !!”

“And tell me u have a date with Jenny” I heard it twice…..and then a slap from the behind…phones cant do tht!!

“hey come on!! I don’t have a date…and why do u pick up when u are here”

“forget it boy, the chicks way out of your league….u are a 6.5 MAX she is a 8.5 MIN…difference is too big !!” K was an idiot….he came up with these numbers of ‘sexiness’ based on a arbitrary scale of his…he never gave a girl beyond 8.5 and he always maintained that for a practical match the difference between the guy and the girl should not be more than 1 with the guy having the lesser points. He thought that girls always picked up crappy guys and if the guy is sexier than her she feels invaded and the relationship would never work. He gave himself 10 on 10.

“Come on….i am just helping her out” I replied

“Help me out u ass!!”

“U bunking the exam u ass! And by the way Prof Ketkar is not too found of you in the first place. U want to get a K.T.?”

“She does have an asshole fulfilling her demands all the day…y does she need u? Ohh ya….hahaha tht dude himself sucks…he got a zero last mid’s did’nt he?? Hahaha. Hey meebe u will land up baby sitting Jenny asshole boyfriend. How much fun would that be??”

“Come on now K….i mean ya…I like her company…and if I can use my academic skills to help my cause….y not??” I smirked……

“Ha!! Academic skills... my ass!”

“Come on…I like her….and ya I am not a loner like u!!” I snapped back. I repented

“Hmm ya whatever? Ok then have fun with ur chick…I have better things to do…” K replied

“Hey come one K…I mean I’m not like u…..u know!”

“Yes I do know.”

I regretted saying that. K left. I continued with my work. Within minutes I shut the book I was reading and went along the hallway trying to find K. He was out in the passage talking to Jenny. I wondered what he was talking about. I approached them but before I could Jenny walked away in the other direction.

“What was that about?” I asked K

“Oh, nothing she was asking me stuff about noon’s lab.” They had that class together.

“Ok. Listen dude…..i didn’t mean to offend you.”

“Forget about it.” He replied

“Nah I mean it just came out. I didn’t really…………..”

“The reason u think I am a loner is because I don’t run around after chicks in college the way others do. I don’t do tht partly because the half the girls in our college don’t have brains……the other half don’t have beauty.”

“Ya u only swoon after Aishwarya Rai” I replied.

“Even she is not prefect”

“Who the hell is?” I asked

“Exactly my point!”

Huh!!

“I am sorry but I am a little lost here.” I said

“You are up around looking for that one woman who is perfect for you. Whom u think you would meet and god would send a message in the form of a lightening and a rainy day that boy this is it…go for her!”

“That would help” I said

“The point is that the ideal woman doesn’t exist. Everyone who claim to fall in love are just fooling themselves”

“Maybe……but that doesn’t mean that there is no one out there for you.”

“That is what it exactly means. There is no ‘the one’. Love like everything else is conditional. You fulfill the conditions of someone else at some point of time. But conditions keep on changing. Which bring me back to my original point of there is no ‘the woman’ for you.”

“No it’s not…..a mother doesn’t love her kid on conditions….and yes I would like to believe that there is ‘the one’ for me.”

“A mother does love her kid on conditions. Get drunk and get into the trouble with the cops…then see how much your mother loves you when she has to come to bail you out.”

“You are just losing the point K”

“No! you are. Why do you want there to be some one for you…coz’ you are afraid, you are not sure of things and you want some meaning to it all. You want to pamper some one, have an effect on someone’s life. From the birth the concept of marriage is ingrained into to you. Hence you are desperately searching for someone. This desperation causes you to make wrong decisions like Jenny. Come on…the girl does not have half the brains you do. Aesthetics matter…..but the wrapper is not going to stay on the soap forever.”

“Actually come to think of it, tht does have a double meaning” He continued and started laughing

I smiled too.

But it did not make sense. K was right to some extent but not all. I debated ahead.

“The basic passion to pamper “the one” does not have pure hedonistic roots. It in fact has its roots in the very reason the society was built. To temper the pure evil that dictates all our actions.”

I continued.

“Yes, meebe I am being stupid in kidding myself with some private time with the most beautiful girl in class. But it’s a gesture. Something that will harm no one. It would allow me to brag for a couple of days to you. But other than that it never going to be anything else.”

For the first time it seemed I had won an argument with K. He did not speak for some time

“well, then hope your gesture is appreciated” K said

I did not know what that was supposed to mean. The day meandered along as usual. Post the lab I went to the library where I was supposed to meet Jenny. Aditya, Jenny’s boyfriend showed up.

“Hey dude” he said

“Hey. Where’s Jenny?” I inquired.

“Ohh, she had to go to this auditions they are having for the fashion show up in TSEC”

TSEC was another college in town kinda our rival in most terms.

“Well, she had told me that she needed help for the MTO mid’s………..”

“Ya dude, can u help me out too. May be she will come over in some time. We could get started till then. I will help her out with the stuff we cover”

“Well ok” I replied.

We sat down. After a while my cell beeped. It was an SMS from K

“Niceties should not be sexist”

P.S: The inspiration for this this comes from some recent events. The actual writing is a result of 3 nights of struggling Off which i was drunk for two nights. I think this is my worst post so far in terms of delivery. But the matter is genuine although still not complete.

Feeling High !!

2007-06-02T01:14:00.000-07:00

As usual the party began…late. As usual people got drunk, and as usual we headed back home at the break of dawn. Unusually, the start to the morning was not chirping birds and a hectic schedule of mundane work. I had no plans for the vacation. Neither had K, he never has plans. We were out of vodka; we were out of bull shit to talk about. All we had was time. Time spent silently.

I think we were staring in to the break of dawn for the longest time ever. At tiger point, lonavala the rising sun looks like……it looks from anywhere else. K spoke first.

“It’s good you know. She wasn’t worth it.”

Uhhh, who ?” I asked although I knew

“ Jennifer anistion…she aint good for u…u stay here, she stay’s ther…..plus ther is the brad pitt thingy too”

“ dude, forget it. Am too high to talk abt philosophical stuff.”

“….. and u too high for walking too”

“ hahahhahahaha..true!”

Silence….birds….silence……K

“I like getting high…”

“ who doesn’t ? “

“ most ppl in this world”. What ???/

“ ya, most ppl in this world are afraid to get high. They think it will destroy them.”

“ well ther have been cases when u get drunk and d stupid things”

“ thats the tortoise taking the shortcut to beat the hare”

Huh ???

“ it’s a metaphor” he said

“ OK, wud u mind explaining it in non maetaphorical way ?”

“ Alcohol, drugs is a shortcut to get numb, get high. The tortoise runs. The permanent high is something which very little people achieve”

“ and what’s a permanent high”

“ tell me what do u feel when ur drunk” asked K

Well, I don’t exactly know what is goin around me…though I see it it sort of does not register.

“ exactly”. He was excited.

“ and what happens to you during exams?”

“ hahahahaha, I work my ass off.”

“ and you do not know what is happening in the world around u.”

“. Well that coz I am too busy” I said

“ or too high”

“ I don’t get it”

“Look…”he turned around to face me.

“ as I think, the very idea of getting high is being so involved in something that it numbs with respect to anything and everythin else. It’s addictive. It like it the only thing in life. Alcohol does that, so does a work of art. Look at these researchers, ppl who call themselves scientists. ‘ Normal ppl think they are mad. They are not mad, they are high. They are high in creating something. Ther have been plenty of cases of musicians killing themselves. They are high in music. Once they lose that they kill themselves. “

He was high…and not by his definition. I did’nt want to argue.

He was silent….the birds weren’t tho..

“ Why did u like nisha ??” K asked

“ dude, really not the time !!”

“ Why not, u too high and afraid that it will stay on ur mind the rest of the day”

“ya” I snapped back !!

He smiled….it was one of those ‘ I was right’ smirks.

“Come on…be a sport” he insisted. “ It’s me!!”

“ I never knew u were so emotional” I knew he was not “ u just want to use my story to make a point”

“ Ya ya…but let me put it this way. At the end of it u will feel better abt the nisha issue”

“ Forget it” I retorted.

“ Oh…come on…” there was a sense of exasperation. He was like some artist about to finish his piece of art. He had a motive….one to convince me abt his philosophy. But he wud not lie. There cud be something in it for me too. What the Hell!!

“ So what do u wanna kow ?’

“ Why did u like nisha?”

Well she was sweet, good looking and fun to be with. That’s the reason any guy likes a girl right ??”

“ Did’nt u get bored of her shrill voice ?”

“ NO !!”

Silence………even those goddamn birds were not chirping now !!

“ well, she talks a bit loudly at times” I relented

“ and what about those times when u were calculating the Pocket money u have left for the month ??”

“ well no pain, no gain . right??”

Hahahahahaha…..the dude was insulting me.

“ ok point taken….what abt those times when u had to lie abt u being my friend.”

“ we’ve been over this…u guys had a history and……”

“ what abt her ex bf….did she ever mention him to u !!”

“ the guy was a jerk…I know what he did to her”

“ She was with him for 4 months and u telling me that she realized that he was a jerk at the end of 4 mnths”

“ Make ur Goddamn point”

“ well my Goddamn point is that u my friend were not in love. U were blindfolded in her crush !! Being in love is like being high. It’s not that u don’t see the mistakes of the other person…it’s just that those mistake just don’t affect u. In this case her shrill and awesomely boring voice affected u but u decided to ignore it. U knew abt her ex bf and often wondered why dosent she have any feelings abt him…also wondered wether she has feelings abt u or she is just fooling around….these things pricked u…but u ignored just the way u ignore a tough question in the exam paper thinking that u will answer later. Being in love and being high in life is more about being so involved in the person or the thing that u do that at times u have to take care that it does not become an obsession. Just the way u have to take care that u don’t drink too much too soon else u shall puke.”

K continued ‘ The analogy is very simple to see….u get drunk, get high, u talk crap and go to sleep what u have in the end are the hours u spent drunk which seemed to drown all the bull shit arnd u. A musician gets high what he has in the end is the beautiful notes he created. A researcher get high immersed in his work , what he has in the end is a better understanding of the world arnd him…something some ppl refer to as science. A teen falls in love, gets high he should have at the end of it a person he can trust with all his heart and soul. If u think u had that with that nisha chic….go ahead cry over it that u lost her…..if not be happy , u were not high…u were not in love….u were just playing a game of bull – shit me with her. Just like having the first sip of beer in ur life and telling ppl it is bitter. The essence does not lie In its taste…it lies in its effect. “

Silence again. Who knows…it could be one way of looking at it. As always it was the problem with his theories. Ther was no way to prove or disprove it. Then I had a stroke of brilliance.

“ So, if thats the case…y wud u say most ppl are afraid if getting high…all shud be striving u get high…all in life looking to get that one thing that drives them.”

“ All do !!”

“ No they don’t….” It was my turn to share some enlightment.

“ Most ppl are just happy to get their pay check and feed their kids. Most ppl do not dream abt Monalisa’s or quantum physics. They just happy to floss on the same chair they banged their heads on.”

K smiled. “The hare taking the shortcut”

Huh !!

“ Most ppl take shortcuts in life even before they see the long long road ahead. Shortcuts lead to rough roads and rough roads bruise and bruises tend to slow u down. The road is infinite….one day or the other everyone sees the horizon and says...damn u !! Mind u even these ppl are high…..the mother drunk in the dream of sending her kid to a private school. The father straining his blood pressure to send his kid to US for studies.”

K continued….” Call it whatever u like J. A teen calls it ambition, a lover calls it love , the businessman calls it money, the artist calls it music and I wud call it ‘Absolute Vodka’

Silence….He was talking as if he had years of wisdom Ok smart ass I have one more

“ so how do I realize that I am in love or I am high ?” I asked

“ you don’t !!” K replied

“ I don’t ??”

“no….u don’t realise that u have been drinking too much till u cant walk properly . U don’t realize u love some one till u miss her. You don’t realize u high in life till you enjoy the pursuit of happyness.”

I don’t really know what he meant by the pursuit of happiness….he said tht with a weird accent…but meebe I was too drunk. We slowly got up…and went to bed….different beds at eight in the morning.

Many months later I recollected this talk. I still do not find myself understanding or agreeing to it completely. K never mentioned the topic again well…..not for a long long time at least.

PS: I was working on this once for around 6 months. I still don’t think it has turned out exactly the way I wanted it to be. But then I don’t want to prolong anymore. Highly recommended….watch the movie Pursuit of Happiness !

whats Gandhigiri ?

2006-10-05T11:21:00.000-07:00

It was almost perfect…almost. The birds were chirping, the cow was mooing, the breeze was blowing……..
Nisha was gonna meet me in the canteen. We were to go to this thing….she did say something about it last night. Anyways, I was early. The canteen was also empty……
The wind was blowing, the birds were……………………
‘Ouch!’ someone pinched me.
‘Stop daydreaming about her’ It was K. well was an almost perfect day !
‘I have better things to do’ I opened my Biology journal……….closed it.
‘Ok I don’t have better things to do’
‘Chotu coffee la naa’ K shouted.
The hot coffee arrived. We sipped it in silence.
‘This is the only reason I come to this damn college’ K said
‘I thought u had hots for the Mrs. Kerdekar’ She was our chemistry lab assistant.
‘ya…actually that too……but the hot coffee beats her by a mile’ K said with a touch of arrogance
‘u comparing a woman to a hot cup of coffee ?’ I asked
‘ya, I mean they both are hot and both give kicks’
‘She is a professor K, if u can’t respect her don’t at least insult her.’
Come on yaar, u over reacting as usual. Words don’t harm!’
‘ya right they can only inspire a billion people. The pen is mighter than the sword…remember’
‘ok…then when vijay comes to hit u can play thesaurus with him’
‘vijay…nisha’s ex-bf…?? Why wud he come to hit me?’
It was a distinct possibility though…I had to admit. Vijay was a bully and to be frank I was intimidated by him.
‘u told her about us ? ‘I asked K
‘Sure I did !’
‘WHY?’ he was bloody running a perfect thing for me.
‘Relax J, he aint gonna do anythin’
‘yes, but why tell?’
‘He asked’
Silence! That was the worst argument I had ever lost. One of these days I am gonna pay this bastard back !

‘Why does one give so much importance to what comes out of the mouth? I mean look at the other things that come out….they all smell. Why shud the words differ?’ he was in one of his philosophical moods.
‘Words express ideas’ I said. ‘People like Gandhi inspired a billion to do something great thru words’
‘Don’t even get me stared on him’
I repented. I was in for a long lecture on Gandhi now. It was almost perfect, now it was almost ruined.
‘I mean tht guy was a con man…the best the world has seen. He scammed two nations into believing something tht does not exist. I mean, it took talent but he cud have been an actor. Why a leader? Or probably be like govinda…neither!’
I remained silent.
‘What u gonna say anything or what ?’
‘Oh I did not realize it was doubt time professor’ I joked
‘u think I ma lecturing u?’
‘I know u are going to lecture me’
‘Come on !!!!!’ he was irritated. I liked doing this to him.
I decided to play on. ‘So what, u don’t like Gandhi. Big deal! U don’t like the person on the next table too. Why is Gandhi special?’
“Gandhi was not gay!!’ K replied
‘What….is …….’
‘The point is ‘ he interrupted ‘ Gandhi has preached something which is impossible’
‘non- violence’ asked
‘Exactly. Violence, war is like…….like sex u knw’
‘no…I don’t’
‘have u seen munich?’
‘No!’ I replied
‘watch it…..watch especially the last scene. Violence is compared to sex. If it was not there, life wud have stopped. ‘
‘What, violence or sex???’ I inquired
‘both ! Killing someone is like an orgasm….u feel great if u have killed some one. But once its done….u don’t want to do it again…atleast not in the next 15 min’
‘But normal people don’t kill !’
‘yes , but they do have orgasm’s’
‘an eye for an eye makes the world blind’ I quoted.
‘screw ur poetry. Violence comes out of passion which is the root of all feelings we have. Look at it this way. World war two brought about the most scientific discoveries. It has revolutionized the way we live’ K said
‘ya…ohh I forgot , It did make some nuclear bomb too….!!’
‘Which an able Indian showed can be used for good purposes’
‘I don’t get it.’ I sat up. ‘u are sayin tht violence is good?’
‘no, I am sayin tht violence is something like greed, something like sex.. without greed we wud have licking each other ticks like chimps……..’
‘ …..and without sex we wud not have porn’ I completed
He smiled
‘Excess of anything is bad. Violence is no different. If things can be solved amicably am not against it. But the very idea of giving the other cheek after u hit on the first is ridiculous.’
‘But it helps’ I remarked
‘How J ?’ he asked
‘if in today’s world Gandhigiri is looked up at and a potential nuclear war is avoided, whats wrong ? Let bapu take the credit
‘ok first…I don’t even call my father tht! Second, doing the right thing for the wrong reason is not going to solve old problems. Its gonna create new ones’
Food for thought!

‘hey baby’ it was nisha
My day was perfect again.
I rose up to leave. She was waiting at the canteen door.
Gandhi also said ‘hum do humare do’
‘No he didn’t ‘
‘He did not??? So the government jus scammed illiterates into thinking he did.??? See, right thing with the wrong belief creates new problems.’
He pointed at the now jammed packed canteen.

PS: these blogs are not meant to hurt any one. I am expressing my views. If someone finds these offensive please write to me. I shall try refrain from posting it in future

Introduction

2006-10-04T15:18:00.000-07:00

Whroooom !!! The Toyota passed by...splashing up muddy water in the pothole. i looked around...meebe i cud go to K's, face a barrage of questions. It wont be wise. The phone rang. who cud it be....i mean i am not late for the date ....yet !
" hey K whats up ? " i answered, i love caller id's.
" u shud come up, meetin her in tht fashion wont work. "
" how....when...were u ..."
" relax my boy, i was not spying. come up"
I climed up the staris.
"u better have a good explanation" i said
" as i said said i wasn't spying. " K replied " yesterday u were all flusterd when she called up , u were talkin 'sure' and 'what time'...so i figured......."
" but tht cud be anyone !. u obviously checked my cell later on.....and what the hell were u doin...i mean how did u knw i wud pass here at this time "
"hahahahahaha....at times u really amuse me....believe me any one cud have figured out u have a date with nisha today....any one who knows u. "
"so u were jus standing by the window, waiting for me to get splashed.............was tht ur frnd in the toyota? "
" hahahahahahahahaha.......here u need a nice blue shirt ! "
I took it. ther was no point arguing. he was an asshole.

"so wher u takin her ?" K asked
" u shud knw " i replied sarcastically
"come on......Dj's or Relish" he persisted
" Chopstix "
K whistled. " becomin rich my boy !"
I was irritated. He has no buisness on passing comments on me.....this was an imporant eve
"Whatever" i blurted
" u gonna make a move on her ? "K asked
" what do u mean ?"
"i mean...are u gonna........u knw kiss her ?"
I was infuriated.
" Fuck u K! u are pathetic. !"
" oh come on.........dont over react. u spending so much money on her...obvoiusly u have an agenda. if gettin into her pants.....

i banged the door. i didnt want to listen to his crap.
i went to chopstix in the muddy shirt.
" hey" nisha called out
" hi. sry i am late. i just......."
"what happened ther?" she asked lookin at my shirt.
" ohh a damn car . never mind....i mean as long as i dont stink "
She smiled. That was a good sigh....i hope!
we talked. she told me abt her clg. i told her abt mine.
" so J tell me. " .........long wait, i waited
" u frnds with tht K huh ! "
" ya , sorta . but he is a pathetic basatrd . he clings to me always" I lied abt the last part
" hmmm , ya. i also dont like him much. u knw he asked me out once. "
WHAT !! U...HIM......U....DATE....GOD.....GOD !.............MUDDY SHIRT....NO
" ok...i didn know that " i replied
" what happened" i tried to act calm
" nothin, we went on a date...nothin serious" she replied
..DATE....GOD.....GOD !.............MUDDY SHIRT....NO...shud i drown him or shud i just set his house on fire. i did have a match stick and tht wud be easy. but then ....petrol...no no diesel is cheaper....y waste money
NISHA...i was still with her. she was lookin at me inquiringly oh my god i shud say somethin....say anythin....anythin
" ya he is a creepy guy"
she smiled.
the phone rang.it was K. i disconnected. she smiled again. she is smiling a lot. i must be doing something right.

an hour later after a walk to her nukkad. i was runnig. i wanted to find a damn matchstick !!
i climed the stairs.
" hey mate" K said cheerfully
" u knw tht 85 % of mumbaities want to be reborn again in india. assholes...rebon in what a pothole?"
" Fuck tht" I said" i want to kill u. just give me 100 bucks for the diesel"
" are u askin for a ransom before screwing me . u know the government does tht. they call it taxes"
" u lied to me...u went out with her"
" I kissed her"
"WHAT" i was flabbergasted." u ...actually...... kissed her?"
" she has soft lips"
" u shud have told me...y take the trouble of dirtying my shirt ? i wud have not asked her out"
" ohhh relax. if i wanted to screw ur date , i wud have just sent ur photo in the underwear. she wud have never gone out if she had seen the entire package"
" u have a photo of me in my underwear????"
" the important point is tht ur date went well" K continued
'"when did u get my photo ? "
" u were too furious at me to feel nervous. if i had told u abt her u wud have felt guilty and scrwed up. plus she liked it when u disconnected my phone didn she ! u wud have answered if u were not pissed off at me"
I rembered my webcam. " give me my photo. is it a photo or a video clip "
we both stayed silent. K spoke first
" anyways , when u meeting next? " K asked
" huh.....i dunno she is gonna call me."
" ask her for the KANK movie. i heard its really pathetic. "
" u telling me to take her to a bad movie"
" ya"
His phone rang. ok J i gotta take this ,its personal. cya 2morrow in college
i abided. i had enuf dramas for a day.

I saw vijay, nisha's ex bf. he pretended to ignore me. i walked out.
" oyeeeeeee! " the watchman shouted
" arreeee...babu" he was talkin to me. " who ladka kaha gaya hai malum?"
" nahi" ...y the fuck shud i interfere " kya hua ? " i asked
" saala...apna gadi gate ke bahar laga ke gaya."
there was a white toyota wrongly parked in front of the gate. I sighed